All the Little Things In-Between

I was broken-now fixed

It is somewhat hard for me to believe that a year ago I was waking up and watching my world collapse in on itself. I find it hard to believe because I look at the person I am now and am surprised at who I have become.

I don’t care to relive the past by bringing it up constantly- to put it simply I was left feeling betrayed by some of the people I called my best friends. For two months I lived in the darkest moments of my life; I did things that I am not proud of and disregarded my moral-mental-physical health.

It was nearly a year ago that I began working at my current job. When I started working there I was broken individual. After work I would go partake in my destructive life-choices, but while I was at work I pushed myself to be the best employee they had. I forced myself to open up to change and redefine myself.

Thanks to my job I met some of the most AMAZING people that have all significantly changed my life for the better. I have moved in with the two most amazing girls that have helped me grow into a more accepting young man. I have moved past the dark phase and am happier than ever.

All of this rambling does come to a point- almost an explanation for why I decided to finally let all of my grudges against the past go.

I don’t need to explain to some of you why I decided to be the first to show an act of kindness to the person that caused me so much pain- why I walked up to the boy who had been best friend for eight years before become my nemesis and bought him a shot. But some of you are going to question and hate me for being so ‘weak’ to treat him with civility.

The truth is- I was tired of being a bitch to him. I was tired of holding this grudge that I had already forgave him for months prior. As I stood looking into the eyes of the new people in my life- I realized that it was time to be free. Time to be free and time to stop the childish games. And I knew that it I want a healthy relationship with any guy then I needed to be in a mentally healthy place.

So I decided to dance over to my ‘enemy’ and offer him a drink. It wasn’t the dramatic confrontation that I had imagined- I didn’t walk into a posh establishment wearing a Prada suit, I didn’t have some grand speech or bold opening line. I simply said “hey, it’s now or never”.  A few quirky exchanges, an apology, and then it was over.

I realized two weeks ago that I was fixed- that all the terrible in my life was over and now I could be free if I wanted. So I decided the time was right.

I guess you can file this as another one of my random blogs where I ramble about silly events in my life, but it helps to say it by writing it out…and god knows there are going to be some people in my life who will think hell froze over because of my actions, so it will be better if they stubble upon this and read it before I end up telling them. But hopefully soon they will see that hate takes too much of a toll on our lives- and that although I forgive doesn’t mean that I am going to be best friends with the person again.  I am simply ending a battle that would never have had a winner and I will NEVER place myself in a situation where I can be hurt by them again.

For a group of people who are so ready to shove their patriotism down our throats, conservatives really lack faith in America. They think gay marriage will destroy the country as we know it… This is a nation that weathered through a civil war, the great depression, two world wars, pearl harbor, the cuban missile crisis, the assassinations of four presidents, vietnam, and September 11th. But if two dudes, who are already living together and fucking on a regular basis, put rings on eachother’s fingers then the whole place will come apart at the seams?

(Source: thesoapboxschtick, via everybreathwounds)